When I began writing about my experience, my husband asked, "what about me?" "What about you?" I replied. He then admitted that he wanted to be "featured" on some of the posts. I told him I had shared some of his poems, but he wanted to write in a more direct way. It is very difficult for him to put his experiences into writing sometimes. How can you process something while it's still happening? Still, he wants others to know... So a few days ago he put the following in the mail. He calls it "We Rise Above The Clouds of Deception"
Meaning: We have learned to take our pain and turn it into the fuel we will need to move forward in securing a strong and positive foundation for our links to the future (children). This can only be accomplished by internalizing life lessons and blessings. They prepare us for upcoming trials and tribulations and give us a clear perception of the truth. So we see people and things for what they are and not for what they appear to be.
We rise above the clouds of deception and leave no time for idle conversation. This is exactly the vibe me and my Wandawoman have had to travel on throughout these trying times. I'm aware that my unreasonable, immature way of thinking was the basis for the poor choices I made prior to my incarceration. I write this, making no excuses, but to show and share my improvement within self. Caused by the struggles I and my family face in a system designed to instill hopelessness if one lets the negativity within the environment consume them.
We rise above the clouds of deception. Because we understand prison is a dehumanizing, oppressive social system. It is designed to suppress and alienate the inner strengths, while birthing low self esteem, turning some into emotional paraplegics; not able to express one's true feelings in fear they may become a target for one of the unprofessional, racist, bully correctional officers. Please, don't misunderstand my thoughts. Law and order is needed in any society, absence of it is anarchy and I'm not promoting anarchism. I'm enlightening the public who have been and are being mislead about the prison environment being this violent society solely due to the nature of the prisoner's behavior. I've been incarcerated for twenty-four year (that's one more year than I've lived my life in the free world) and ended up in nowhere, America. This is my first time incarcerated ever, growing up in prison, behind the wall is a difficult situation, especially when it's a new experience for all parties involved, which was the case for myself and my Wandawoman.
We rise above the clouds of deception in a transparent relationship that is nonjudgmental, authentic and a love that has been nurtured and cultivated for over 30 years. It has been very hard, stressful and testing trying to maintain a marriage and be an effective parent under these circumstances is not easy on all involved. The first thing both must come to realize is you don't have a normal relationship and it's impossible to conduct the relationship as if you do. To keep your relationship, both parties
must come to understand how this environment damages it.
You rise above the clouds of deception by identifying in yourself first your weakness and with self-discipline, practice strengthening yourself in those areas. You have to be truthful with one another and aware of each-other's struggles independent of the other. I know much weighs upon the shoulders of my Wandawoman and I respect and know her worth. I'm proud of the strength she exhibits for me and our children even when she's tired, overwhelmed and feelings of loneliness creep up on her. She makes sure all the support I need is given mentally, physically, financially and spiritually. My Wandawoman has raised our children with that nurturing and cultivating love they need to rise above the clouds of deception that come with life.