Thursday, December 7, 2017


Last night, my husband called and we had a lively conversation. He was in good spirits as we discussed the kids, current events, future plans, etc. It was a normal conversation and then he announced that he had to go. We said our goodbyes and right before hanging up, he said, "I'm proud of you!" Then he was gone. I sat there, phone in hand, thinking to my self, "how in the world, does someone like that exist in such a negative environment?" Actually, negative is putting it mildly. What I really believe it to be is TOXIC. He's proud of me. I should be telling him that I am proud of him!  For staying alive, sane, healthy. It should be the first thing I say to him every time we speak, but instead, he's saying it to me. Wow. He is in hell and yet he finds the way to, not only keep his own spirits up and stay positive, but to bring me encouragement. His actions speak volumes about his character. I have known him to share every last bit of a long awaited package with his neighbors... "They don't have anything," he'll say. To which I respond, "but neither do YOU!" He is definitely way more giving than I could ever be.

So I am saddened when I think about all of the things that we enjoy on a daily basis, things we take for granted, but he is not allowed to have. During the cold weather, he is not allowed to have a hoodie to keep his head warm. His gloves are tattered and I am not allowed to bring him a pair, he has to order them from a vendor, which can be a royal pain. Same applies to a coat, boots, long johns, hat, scarf, etc. Getting simple necessities can be so complicated!

One day, we were talking and he began to joke about the things I have in my kitchen... "You're so lucky, you have spoons and forks... You're so lucky, you have pots and pans. Do you have a microwave? You have food in your refrigerator? Awww, man... you're so lucky!" And so went our silly conversation. We laughed, but he wasn't kidding!

We ARE lucky. I count my blessings because I realize daily that my life is exactly how I want it to be. I have a job that I love (and provides security), children that I adore and a husband that is a diamond in the rough. His potential is so great that it motivates me from afar. His energy is strong and I can feel his presence in every part of my day. Our imperfections and struggles push us to self-improvement, he has taught me that. What else could I want? Well, of course, other than for him to be physically next to us, to take his rightful place among those who love and appreciate him, that know his worth.

I am lucky. Not too many people can say that they fell in love with their best friend. A man that gives me more than he realizes, yet apologizes for not being able to provide for his family. I am lucky to be loved and appreciated and to have people to love and care for. I have learned that the human spirit is a force to be reckoned with but can also be fragile, it needs to be nurtured. Hearing, "I'm proud of you!" can make someone feel like the luckiest person on the the planet.

My spirit has been lifted and I feel lucky! 

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