37 and a half to life

In 1988, Bobby McFerrin sang to the world,  "Don't Worry, Be Happy!"  Suddenly, my mom (Mami) had a theme song. She has always been the quintessential optimist and this song was a perfect match for her attitude. I was 15 years old and all the happy- ness  was a little too much. Mami would sing the song whenever one of us kids would get whiny or would encounter difficulty or drama (teenagers are quite familiar with it). Even though I am fairly laid back, I can get very stressed out about some things. Example; I was about to start working and I hadn't secured a babysitter. My reaction was to go into panic mode and then, here comes Mami with her mantra, "don't worry, be happy!" What she means is that things will work out- while I was busy freaking out, she had been making phone calls and just as she predicted, everything was OK. This type of situation has repeated itself many times during my life and Mami's advice is always to trust and not worry. S...

I can hear Mariah Carey singing "All I want for Christmas is youuuuuuu, baby!" For the last month or so this song has hijacked the airwaves everywhere I've gone. Every radio station played it and every Christmas playlist featured it at least once! Resistance was futile, so this year, this song took over my brain... I couldn't escape it. I hummed, danced and sang along to it as I wrapped presents, washed dishes and even while taking a shower (usually my quiet time). The song grows on you!  And then... I want a hippopotamus for Christmas. All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth. I want, I want, I want... I guess that's the part about the season that I don't love- that's the Grinch in me, I guess! I think there is so much need in the world and we talk about what we want. I know, 'tis the season for joy and happiness and giving, but I feel so bad for those who cannot be with their families, and they NEED them. I can't help but to think ab...

School is back in session. In preparing myself for a new school year I reflected on my experiences as a Prison Wife. I alphabetized my list, please feel free to come up with more words in the comments section. A Absence- Your loved one is not here, he is absent but not gone. Advocate- prepare to speak for him. Calling the facility and sometimes Albany to make sure he is safe and being treated fairly. Anger-  At an unfair system, at him, for putting you through this, at yourself, because you choose to stay and suffer. Attorney- If you can afford it, hire one! B Blessings- Count them any chance you get. They are everywhere you just need to recognize them. C Caring - The only way to get through the tough times. Children - The innocent victims of incarceration. We must nurture them and teach them so that they may not continue the cycle. Crazy- Many people will question your sanity. I am here to reassure you that you are sane, promise! D Dedication- Day in and day...

When someone finds out that my husband is incarcerated there are usually several follow up questions; "how do you do it?, why wait for him?, where is he?, when does he get out?, what about the kids?" The kids are OK, more than OK, great, thriving! One is now married and has her Master's Degree in Education. Another is starting her Senior year of High School, the other three are getting ready for the new school year as a Tenth grader, Third grader and Kindergartener. But it has NOT been easy for sure. I have had to dedicate myself to my family, putting myself second on a regular basis. There have been many sleepless nights, also days filled with conflicting schedules and commitments. Not to mention vacations and weekends spent visiting prison. It takes a lot of planning and sacrifice. We are fortunate though. The support that my family and friends have given us has facilitated our ability to manage (sometimes better than others). Help has come in the form of rides, b...

My daughter's wedding has been the grand event of the summer. Several of my family members made their way from NYC, Puerto Rico, Florida, Georgia and Chicago. It has been an exciting time, full of nostalgia and stories from long ago. I have been filled with pride as everyone admired my beautiful daughter and praised her accomplishments. By all accounts, the past few weeks have been the happiest! But, nothing in life is perfect and neither is my support system. For many years there's been a dark cloud in my life; my dad. Don't get me wrong, I love him very much, but he has always managed to make me feel less than good about my circumstances. Today I have a very good idea about the pain he has felt. The disappointment that has prompted some hurtful comments that I can never un-hear. Almost every Prison Wife I have ever met has a story of a friend or family member who opposes her choice to wait or stand by her husband (or loved one). Some families have disowned their daughte...

Who doesn't love a holiday? A day off work (hopefully) to spend with your family and loved ones, good food, fun times! My favorite is Thanksgiving. I love the crisp air of a fall day, the smell of turkey baking in the oven, the excitement for the beginning of a season. What I love most is spending time with my family... corny, I know. My parents might visit from Florida and my brother from NYC. We get to be silly like the good old days. Then come the waves of sadness. They strike me when I least expect them. A joke about the turkey being too dry perhaps... "At least we have food to eat, I wonder if my husband ate today?" I might think to myself. Darn those waves, ruining my fun! The truth is, these thoughts are like white noise in my brain. There isn't much I experience without thinking about him. But holidays have a way of turning up the volume. The most difficult one for me is New Year's Eve/Day. At midnight, everyone kisses their significant other in celebr...