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Freedom's Eve

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Tonight is my husband's last night of captivity. In less than 12 hours he will be a free man, at least physically. His spirit and his mind have never been imprisoned.  I have no words for the way I feel right now. This is too big to describe!  Last Sunday I visited my husband for what I hope will be the last time. As I sat in the visiting room, I was flooded with memories; how I imagine one's life flashes before we die. I saw myself as a young woman, nervously waiting, butterflies in my stomach. I thought about the countless ordeals and hurdles just to see my loved one. I experienced the sweat, that even when it's freezing outside, manages to invade my temples. Only someone who has lived this prison-from-the-outside experience can relate.  While I sat in the visiting room I noticed the young families, the parents visiting their adult children, the in-love couples, and I thought about the advice I would give someone who is new to this life:  *Keep your cool- many people in c
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The Final Countdown

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It's the final countdown. ..  I sing to myself in a 1980s rock 'n roll superstar voice. Someone asked me the other day, "So your husband will be home soon, how do you feel?" Hmmm, I guess I can compare the feelings I have to those I felt when one of my babies was soon to be born. My nesting instincts have kicked in, his going-home clothes are ready, and I am taking in every moment because once he's here, my life will never be the same. I anticipate an enormous learning curve for the entire family, though the details escape me.   Life, as I know it, will change drastically in less than one month. My kids, who have never seen their father as a free man, may not recognize him without his state greens, the prison uniform he donned for nearly three decades. Will they believe their eyes when they finally see him at the front door? Every disappointment, every failed attempt to free him, will only be a memory. All those times we fantasized about him 'surprising' u
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Young Man

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Today, my only son enters his teens. Just yesterday he was a baby, now he's a young man!  We named him Justice because we needed some in our lives. The day I came home from the hospital with him I received a call from my husband. He was going on the draft (being moved) because he would be going in front of the clemency board. Clemency... what? I didn't even know he'd put in for clemency, and neither did he. His mother had written a letter to the governor and that's how he got on the list.  I knew that he was excited but there was also urgency in his voice. Usually, people have months to prepare for clemency. He would need letters of recommendation and other documents to prove his worthiness. I sprung into action, calling people to write letters.  Once he was gone to Sing Sing, where he would see the board, I had time to process the grandeur of this opportunity. I imagined him coming home within months, just in time to help raise our son. I was elated when a parole offic
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Feeling Left behind

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Ever felt like everyone is passing you by? You begin to wonder, "Am I moving too slow, or are others moving too fast?" That's the way I feel right now in my professional life. I have been in Education since the 1990s and have more recently been in a leadership role for the last four years. I love working in my city and with our kids. I can honestly say that children are easy, I just don't understand adults very much. So, here's my frustration... Like any other human being, I seek to grow. I have applied and interviewed for over 20 positions in the last four years looking for new professional opportunities.  I have been rejected over and over again. Here I am, in the slow lane on the walkway of life, seeing so many of my colleagues move forward. This is not to say that I'm not happy for them, I am, I just feel left behind. Like the only person who didn't get asked to the prom, haha. I am thankful for where I am, for my school, and for my job, that is for su
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The missing piece

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 This past Christmas break I spent my downtime putting puzzles together. My 20-year-old daughter Tweeted, "why did my mom get me a puzzle for Christmas and she just did the whole thing herself??? I have to laugh." So I was a little obsessed with finishing the Frida Kahlo puzzle, it was so pretty! As soon as I finished it, I took a picture of it and took it apart, announcing to my daughter that all the pieces were there (insert cheesy smile).  Later the same day, my sister's children came over to visit. I asked my eldest niece if she'd like to work on a puzzle with me. She said yes and I quickly grabbed one none of us had ever put together before. It was The Polar Express! We immediately started strategizing and sorting pieces but we didn't get too far. The next morning I got to work on the puzzle, convinced that I'd be done by the end of the day... HA! To my surprise, this innocent-looking puzzle actually took over the rest of my days off, and then some. Just
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Another year gone by

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October 21st marked 28 years since he's been gone, but not really gone. I recently found out that there's a term for what I've been feeling all of these years. Ambiguous Loss. I have been doing a lot of research lately, in an effort to make lemonade out of the many lemons I have been accumulating, I am pursuing a Doctorate degree. The reason? To learn as much as possible about the effects of parental incarceration on their children and how to help (as an educator).   God-willing, my husband will be home to see me graduate. And yes, he'll have to call me doctor! I have a lot of passion for learning and even more for educating others. My hope is to continue my journey and help de-stigmatize the prison experience in schools. How, exactly? That's the part of my story that I'll have to create. I am suddenly in a place where I have to think ahead, to look into a possible future. Something that is difficult for me. I'm more comfortable living in the moment, no more
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A Broken Promise?

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 With all of the insanity that continues to overcome our nation, no... our planet, today I choose to write about me. I know, it may sound selfish but I needed to escape for just a few minutes and tell a short story about a promise I broke.  It was July 10, 2020, aka, my birthday. Daughter #1 wanted to do something special for me. She decided to treat me to a salon visit, begging me to get a cute, shorter style. "Cut my hair?," I said, "but I made a promise that I wouldn't cut it until your dad got home! " She insisted and I agreed to "just a trim."  Salon visit day came, my daughter asked, "Ma, so what haircut are you gonna get?" I responded, "A trim, remember?" She didn't like my answer, she wanted a whole different me coming home that day. I understood, what daughter doesn't want to beautify her mother?  I put on my mask, walked into the salon and was greeted by the owner, who would be my stylist (salons were open at very
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