Don't Worry, Be Happy!

-
In 1988, Bobby McFerrin sang to the world, "Don't Worry, Be Happy!" Suddenly, my mom (Mami) had a theme song. She has always been the quintessential optimist and this song was a perfect match for her attitude. I was 15 years old and all the happy-ness was a little too much. Mami would sing the song whenever one of us kids would get whiny or would encounter difficulty or drama (teenagers are quite familiar with it).

Even though I am fairly laid back, I can get very stressed out about some things. Example; I was about to start working and I hadn't secured a babysitter. My reaction was to go into panic mode and then, here comes Mami with her mantra, "don't worry, be happy!" What she means is that things will work out- while I was busy freaking out, she had been making phone calls and just as she predicted, everything was OK. This type of situation has repeated itself many times during my life and Mami's advice is always to trust and not worry. She is consistently right. My reaction will determine my experience (though not always the outcome).

Mami, circa 1998
"Cause when you worry your face will frown and that will bring everybody down..." the song goes on. I'm pretty sure I read somewhere that it takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile, so Bobby was on to something there! Smiles are contagious and, as I would always say to my students, it's impossible to be 'mad' when you're smiling. There are things we cannot control and so, what do we gain from worrying? We do the best that we can and move on. My mother in law likes to say (about people we cannot help) "bless 'em and send 'em on their way!

Wise words, but what to do when worrying still manages to sneak into your life- like it does so often in mine? Mami will say to stop it... and to 'be happy'! It can be frustrating to hear these words when all I want to do is be negative and even mad at the world for things not going my way, but to be real, what do I gain from that? Absolutely nothing! Years of having to figure things out and move on, have taught me that we need to focus on what we can control and let go of the rest. I share that with my kids all the time now (though I spare them the song- sometimes!).

Last weekend, the weather in Upstate New York was dreadful, to say the least. On New Year's Eve I still hadn't heard from my husband, so I took control, braved the elements and made a visit. I could worry no longer about his well being, so I went to see him. The trip was an adventure, and throughout it I kept singing to my self "Don't Worry, Be Happy"! I got to see him and found out that he'd gotten another bogus ticket and got locked up for 45 days, but he was OK and happy to see me. I felt happy, too. Driving home was scary, the roads were terrible! Luckily, I was without kids and was able to take my time, making it home safely and in time to bring in the new year in my pajamas (best way after the day I had!).

I am grateful for my ever optimistic Mami because... "in your life expect some trouble- when you worry you make it double... so don't worry, be happy!"





*If you are feeling depressed, please reach out. Worrying and Depression are not the same thing.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Freedom's Eve

-
Image
Tonight is my husband's last night of captivity. In less than 12 hours he will be a free man, at least physically. His spirit and his mind have never been imprisoned.  I have no words for the way I feel right now. This is too big to describe!  Last Sunday I visited my husband for what I hope will be the last time. As I sat in the visiting room, I was flooded with memories; how I imagine one's life flashes before we die. I saw myself as a young woman, nervously waiting, butterflies in my stomach. I thought about the countless ordeals and hurdles just to see my loved one. I experienced the sweat, that even when it's freezing outside, manages to invade my temples. Only someone who has lived this prison-from-the-outside experience can relate.  While I sat in the visiting room I noticed the young families, the parents visiting their adult children, the in-love couples, and I thought about the advice I would give someone who is new to this life:  *Keep your cool- many people in c
Read more

The Final Countdown

-
Image
It's the final countdown. ..  I sing to myself in a 1980s rock 'n roll superstar voice. Someone asked me the other day, "So your husband will be home soon, how do you feel?" Hmmm, I guess I can compare the feelings I have to those I felt when one of my babies was soon to be born. My nesting instincts have kicked in, his going-home clothes are ready, and I am taking in every moment because once he's here, my life will never be the same. I anticipate an enormous learning curve for the entire family, though the details escape me.   Life, as I know it, will change drastically in less than one month. My kids, who have never seen their father as a free man, may not recognize him without his state greens, the prison uniform he donned for nearly three decades. Will they believe their eyes when they finally see him at the front door? Every disappointment, every failed attempt to free him, will only be a memory. All those times we fantasized about him 'surprising' u
Read more

Young Man

-
Image
Today, my only son enters his teens. Just yesterday he was a baby, now he's a young man!  We named him Justice because we needed some in our lives. The day I came home from the hospital with him I received a call from my husband. He was going on the draft (being moved) because he would be going in front of the clemency board. Clemency... what? I didn't even know he'd put in for clemency, and neither did he. His mother had written a letter to the governor and that's how he got on the list.  I knew that he was excited but there was also urgency in his voice. Usually, people have months to prepare for clemency. He would need letters of recommendation and other documents to prove his worthiness. I sprung into action, calling people to write letters.  Once he was gone to Sing Sing, where he would see the board, I had time to process the grandeur of this opportunity. I imagined him coming home within months, just in time to help raise our son. I was elated when a parole offic
Read more