Thursday, December 28, 2017

Waiting

I can't wait til Friday. I can't wait 'til summer. I can't wait for school to start. I can't wait for vacation... it seems like we spend our lives waiting for something. When I was pregnant I would count the days until my next doctor's appointment because I'd get to hear my baby's heartbeat and it also meant that I was closer to meeting him or her. Once that baby was born I couldn't wait to lose the baby weight (which never seemed to want to leave me) and get to wear 'normal' clothes again. I couldn't wait to hear the baby say ma-ma and take those first steps. And so on and so forth. I hardly got to reflect on what just took place because I was already thinking about what was to come.

Writing down my experiences has forced me to look back and to think about what has occurred and to process what is happening in my life as I am waiting. The waiting for me is the background of my life. As I am moving forward or standing still, no matter what I may be doing in the now I am still waiting. The day my husband crosses over the threshold of freedom then the focus will be on healing and progress not waiting anymore.

This year, 2017, has been an interesting one. It marked 20 years since I started teaching. 10 years since I received my Master's Degree in Educational Leadership (giving me the option of working as a school administrator). Five Years since my son was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. My daughter got married, too. 2017 was quite the year! In May I decided to share my story by writing this blog. In September I started my new position at my school and that gave me the opportunity to start LINKS, which has been well received so far. All of this has happened as I waited.

My point in saying all of this is that waiting is OK as long as it's not the only thing you do. When I talk to people who are just finding out about my husband, they tend to be saddened by the idea of waiting. "Oh my God, and you're waiting for him?" They ask as if I sit in this Prison Wives Only Waiting Room all day, staring at the wall, doing nothing except... wait. They'd be shocked to know that I've actually gone on vacations and raised kids and had my ups and downs just like anyone else.

I don't see my husband's homecoming as the beginning of our lives but as a new chapter. Just like when a new baby has joined the family or a member has left us- it's a change that we must adjust to. We look forward to the adventures in that new chapter! I gain knowledge by talking to or reading about other people whose loved ones have come home and their journeys, understanding that ours will be unique to us. Until that day, my hair gets longer, my kids get bigger (stronger and smarter) and our love gets deeper, while we wait.

Happy New Year... Can't wait to see what 2018 brings!!!

No comments:

Post a Comment