New Normal :(

-
Drawing by our 10 y/o son

March 14, 2020 was be the last time I would see my husband under 'normal' circumstances on a visit. Pre-COVID 19 might become the way some of us refer to life as we knew it prior to that date. Since my husband arrived at this current medium security facility in December 2018, I have visited him regularly. Every facility has a different procedure for visitors to follow even before getting in. In Attica, if we visited during the weekend, we would have to wait by our car to be picked up by a van, taken to the hospitality center where we would wait for our turn to be driven back to the main building and THEN be processed for the visit. 

This particular facility has a different way. Upon arrival, the first place to go is the hospitality center, fill out a visit pass (which has a number on it). Then if you drove, you go back to your car and wait for your number to show in the window. At that time you walk to the building, get processed and (hopefully) visit. That was all PC, I mean Pre-COVID 19. 

August 8 was the next time I was able to go see my husband. Families and friends rejoiced when visits were re-started. The many new rules and guidelines that were added would be yet another challenge for us. I was a little afraid for my husband and all the other men who have no way to protect themselves from the virus. Hoping for the best I ventured out to visit him. The following is how my day went: 

  • 7am- Went grocery shopping so I could bring a much anticipated package. 
  • 8am- On my way to my husband.
  • 9am- Arrived at facility, noticed a line outside hospitality center ("uh oh!), joined the line.
  • 11am- Got to the front of the line! Got temperature checked, filled out COVID 19 questionnaire got #39 went to the car and waited.
  • 1pm- Went to the building, got processed, visited.
  • 3:15pm- Hugged husband goodbye (wished I didn't have to let go). 
It wasn't fun to spend most of my day waiting, but seeing my husband face to face (6 ft away) made it all worth it. 

Today, two weeks later, it was his turn for a visit again. I remember that representatives from the Department of Corrections in Albany were present last time, taking notes to make changes so that the visitation process would go more smoothly. I also remembered that I waited in line from 9-11 am so if I arrived there at around 10 or so, I should be good. In theory I was right, so what went so wrong?  This is how today went: 
  • 8am- Grocery shopping- he still had 16 pounds left and he wanted those 16 pounds!
  • 9am- On my way
  • 10am- Arrived at facility, no line (ok, this is good!), I went in, got my temperature checked, COVID 19 questionnaire, get #49, went to my car to wait, and wait, and, wait some more. 
  • 2pm- yes, 2pm, C.O.'s told people waiting that it was too late to come in. I overheard people commenting about it and confirmed. 
Everyone was devastated. I engaged in conversation with one lady. She shared that she made a three hour trip and for the SECOND time, was not let in to visit. She got there at 8 this morning, two hours before me and still didn't make it. That's not right! The last number called was 41. The highest number anyone had was 52. 

11 visits were denied, some waiting for 6 hours for nothing! Some people were very upset, I was disappointed, took a deep breath and offered words that might ease those new to these experiences. It was frustrating to have to go back home with groceries that our loved ones needed so badly. No visit, No package... that's the rule! 

Then the tears rolled down my cheeks as I made my way home. I didn't even realize that I was crying because I thought I hadn't let this experience get to me, but it did. I couldn't help but to think about my husband; clean shaven, fresh haircut, all dressed with nowhere to go. It was a sorrow that I felt many times before yet it always gets me. I emailed him to inform him, that's all I could do. 

So, now what? As I look forward to future visits... do I plan on camping out on the parking lot? Will things get better? Will I ever be able to bring the kids again? Just like in every other aspect of our lives, our new normal is filled with so much uncertainty. Why would prison be any different? Here's the thing, WE are resilient, WE are strong, WE will make it through this, until the new normal becomes normal again. 




Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Freedom's Eve

-
Image
Tonight is my husband's last night of captivity. In less than 12 hours he will be a free man, at least physically. His spirit and his mind have never been imprisoned.  I have no words for the way I feel right now. This is too big to describe!  Last Sunday I visited my husband for what I hope will be the last time. As I sat in the visiting room, I was flooded with memories; how I imagine one's life flashes before we die. I saw myself as a young woman, nervously waiting, butterflies in my stomach. I thought about the countless ordeals and hurdles just to see my loved one. I experienced the sweat, that even when it's freezing outside, manages to invade my temples. Only someone who has lived this prison-from-the-outside experience can relate.  While I sat in the visiting room I noticed the young families, the parents visiting their adult children, the in-love couples, and I thought about the advice I would give someone who is new to this life:  *Keep your cool- many peop...
Read more

My purpose

-
When I introduce myself to a stranger I always state my name, but what follows depends on my audience. "Hi! I'm Wanda, I am... a daughter, a sister, a 'single' mother of five, an aunt, a college graduate, a teacher, bilingual, from Puerto Rico, Catholic, my son's pancreas, soon to be a mother in law, A PRISON WIFE!" For many years only a small number of people were aware of that last title. I wanted to appear to be as normal as possible. In my mind, having a husband in prison was the farthest from normal. I worried that people would not take me seriously or would think that I was a bad person. Four years into my journey I received a bachelors degree and became a teacher. That's when I really became secretive about my relationship. Fast forward almost twenty four years... here I am, ready to publish my experiences and expose myself to the world (or at least to those interested in reading about my misadventures). I have recently come to a realization; what...
Read more

Getting Closer

-
Image
Almost a year since my husband has been closer. An hour drive to see him is still nothing compared to the 5 and a half from before. This last year has been full of getting back to our 'normal'; regular visits, daily phone calls (that are longer than 15 minutes!), bringing packages, etc. With more interaction, though, also came more conflict. More interruptions in my day (that sometimes weren't taken kindly), more being in the 'know' at the home-front (more about that another time :) But also more conversations about how to get over those conflicts because, soon, we'll be under one roof (God willing!). It feels good to have him near, almost like he's here! And now, with the help of technology and of course money, we have found a way to get closer. So, a couple of months ago my husband called and announced that he had finally gotten the long awaited and highly anticipated "TABLET!" It was the cutest thing ever, hearing him talk about the feature...
Read more