The World on Fire

2020 came in with a vengeance. My native Puerto Rico began experiencing earthquakes, it had been about 100 years since any such significant quakes had taken place, people were suddenly displaced from their homes, and afraid to sleep indoors, camped outside to feel safe.

Then, only three months into the year, what seemed like the entire world just paused. COVID19 (a virus likened to the 1918 Flu) was threatening our very existence, killing many overseas, the death-toll raising here too. Schools closed, businesses closed, churches closed, everything closed (except grocery stores and hospitals).

Distance learning became the new buzzword in education. Social Distancing part of our vocabulary. "Don't wear a mask, wear a mask,  test only if you have symptoms, everyone should get tested, worry only if you are old, anyone can die, antibodies means your'e safe, not so fast!" I'll stay home, thank you...  let me know when it's safe! In the meantime, my college student finished her sophomore year online, my high school senior will graduate in an alternative manner, my 7 year old will move on to the intermediate school and my 10 year old to the middle school, both without saying good bye to their teachers or classmates. Strange, but not terrible.

What has proven to be difficult has been maintaining the mental well-being of everyone in the house. Practicing mindfulness, self-care and treating each other with patience and love when every single day looks like the one before. And then, the anxiety that overcomes even the most social people (me) when having to go out and buy groceries or other essentials. Also, keeping an eye on my school district and the enormous budget cuts that are happening for next school year. So many people will lose their jobs, others will be demoted or displaced... there's so much instability and I'm worried.

The prisons are potential virus hot spots, yet no one is tested, no one wears a mask, medical care is inadequate at best. Social distancing is impossible. Families demand the release of our loved ones. No one listens. My husband sits and waits, he calls me and reports on what's going on inside.

Watching the news, seeing the death-toll hit 100,000 in the USA. Unemployment grows by the week; 20 percent, more? all bad news, people are desperate. And white people are mad. They want to get their nails done, their haircuts. So they protest in Michigan. With guns. They shout and scream in the face of law enforcement. A president that encourages them, scary stuff.

Just when things looked like they may be slowly moving towards a new normal... we learn about Ahmaud Arbery and Breonna Taylor , and Amy Cooper calls the police on a black bird watcher. But the straw that broke the camel's back, George Floyd is murdered in broad daylight; a knee to the neck, and the entire world saw it.  Now it's on fire! Like it was back in the 1960's and in the 90's... the fire has never been put out, just contained.

Is this time different, though? Is this a perfect storm... the combination of the viruses; hatred, racism, indifference, COVID19? Did mother nature, black people, the poor, the oppressed, finally have enough? Will anything change?

I have cried so much in the last few days, the pain is palpable. So many are hurting. I'm afraid for my black children, my son especially. Having to have the "talk with him." For his father, who is due to be home sooner than later. Sometimes I wonder if he's safer behind bars. I know that may sound crazy, but it crosses my mind when I hear of another black man killed by police or by some righteous trigger-happy neighborhood watchman. Which pain is greater? The pain of waiting for him to come home or the pain of worrying about him out here.