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Freedom's Eve

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Tonight is my husband's last night of captivity. In less than 12 hours he will be a free man, at least physically. His spirit and his mind have never been imprisoned.  I have no words for the way I feel right now. This is too big to describe!  Last Sunday I visited my husband for what I hope will be the last time. As I sat in the visiting room, I was flooded with memories; how I imagine one's life flashes before we die. I saw myself as a young woman, nervously waiting, butterflies in my stomach. I thought about the countless ordeals and hurdles just to see my loved one. I experienced the sweat, that even when it's freezing outside, manages to invade my temples. Only someone who has lived this prison-from-the-outside experience can relate.  While I sat in the visiting room I noticed the young families, the parents visiting their adult children, the in-love couples, and I thought about the advice I would give someone who is new to this life:  *Keep your cool- many people in c
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The Final Countdown

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It's the final countdown. ..  I sing to myself in a 1980s rock 'n roll superstar voice. Someone asked me the other day, "So your husband will be home soon, how do you feel?" Hmmm, I guess I can compare the feelings I have to those I felt when one of my babies was soon to be born. My nesting instincts have kicked in, his going-home clothes are ready, and I am taking in every moment because once he's here, my life will never be the same. I anticipate an enormous learning curve for the entire family, though the details escape me.   Life, as I know it, will change drastically in less than one month. My kids, who have never seen their father as a free man, may not recognize him without his state greens, the prison uniform he donned for nearly three decades. Will they believe their eyes when they finally see him at the front door? Every disappointment, every failed attempt to free him, will only be a memory. All those times we fantasized about him 'surprising' u
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Young Man

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Today, my only son enters his teens. Just yesterday he was a baby, now he's a young man!  We named him Justice because we needed some in our lives. The day I came home from the hospital with him I received a call from my husband. He was going on the draft (being moved) because he would be going in front of the clemency board. Clemency... what? I didn't even know he'd put in for clemency, and neither did he. His mother had written a letter to the governor and that's how he got on the list.  I knew that he was excited but there was also urgency in his voice. Usually, people have months to prepare for clemency. He would need letters of recommendation and other documents to prove his worthiness. I sprung into action, calling people to write letters.  Once he was gone to Sing Sing, where he would see the board, I had time to process the grandeur of this opportunity. I imagined him coming home within months, just in time to help raise our son. I was elated when a parole offic
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