False Hope?

The dictionary defines 'false hopes' as confident feelings about something that might not be true. I can bet that nearly everyone has experienced false hopes at some point of their life. As I reflect on the last 26 years, there have been many moments of hope that later turned out to be false. From the moment my husband was arrested, knowing that everything would be OK and he would be released. But he hasn't come home, yet.

In 2005, the Rockefeller Reform gave hope to a lot of inmates. Many became eligible for re-sentencing under the new guidelines. Some were fortunate enough to go home. My husband held out hope that this would be instrumental in his return. He drafted out his own motion, a lawyer was hired to represent him and when his time came, he received a time cut. From having 25- life he now was to serve 20 years flat on the drug conviction.

When he was re-sentenced, the judge made no mention of his consecutive sentences. So, for the next 4 years or so, we hoped (yet again) that this meant that he might be coming home soon. His lawyer advised that we put in an Article 78 motion and challenge the time calculation. If ran concurrently, he'd be serving 20-25 years (at that time he'd been in for 16)! We spent over $12 K on fees and hoped beyond any hope that this would work. The timing would have been great, as we were expecting a baby later that year. But in the end, all efforts were in vain. The time stood and he would now serve 29.7 years (and 18 days) to 32.6 years.

Then, having just come home from having our baby in November, 2009, my husband called to share some news. He was going downstate, to Sing Sing so he can be interviewed by the clemency board. We would have to hurry and gather letters of support and send them in ASAP! I scrambled to write and have others write letters to convince a group of strangers that this man before them was worthy of a second chance. That he was needed at home to help raise his newborn son and his other children that missed and needed him so. I even received a visit from a parole officer in anticipation of a possible release. I didn't know what to think, "was this real?" December came and went, with no news of clemency; not for my husband, not for anyone that I can remember. Governor Paterson granted one single clemency/commutation that year and that was that.

In 2013, his 20th year in prison. I felt anger that so much time had passed. I wanted to bring my husband home. Not to say he wasn't trying... he was researching, writing motions, etc. and I was empowered to make a difference, too. So I began by helping him find his old lawyer, the one who went to trial with him. I made an appointment to see her. She said she felt terrible about everything that happened back then. Then she said she would get documents we needed and would call me the next day. It's been a very long day... no phone call yet. I did try to follow up with her, but it was clear, she had no intentions of helping us. So we kept digging on our own.

In 2017, Governor Cuomo had started an initiative for inmates to get Pro-Bono help with clemencies. I applied on behalf of my husband. He received notification that it had been received and in progress, to expect appointment of a lawyer. But we never heard anything ever again. So, I took matters into my own hands and hired a local attorney who specializes in Parole issues, etc. We have been working on his clemency ever since. This past Fall, she submitted his paperwork. The state responded, but his case has not been reviewed by the governor. There are simply too many awaiting review now. So, we wait.

False or not, hope gives us something to look forward to. I feel as though it fills my spirit with anticipated happiness. It has also kept us hanging on, when giving up would have been so easy. My husband and I get to plan for the what if's. We've gotten quite good at consoling each other when things don't go our way, cheering one another up at times when the options are to laugh or to cry. I will continue to have confident feelings concerning my husband's return home, I am certain that his time is coming and that is no false hope!