37 and a half to life

Anyone with access to the news has, at some point, heard about the issue of Solitary Confinement. Inmates are spending months or even years locked in a small cell with minimal human contact. The story of Kalief Browder has brought much needed attention to mass incarceration and the misuse of Solitary Confinement in our Prison System. Sadly, his is one of so many and it had a tragic end. Solitary Confinement (also known as The Box) has touched my family as it has so many others. I speak from my perspective and can't even begin to imagine what it's like to actually experience it. During the early years of my husband's sentence, we were blissfully unaware of the box. Back then, an inmate had to have committed a grave offence before getting sent there. As the years have passed, I have heard of more and more people being put in the box for the most ridiculous reasons. Inmates go to a 'hearing' where they have the opportunity to defend themselves. Then a decision is ...

First of all, I do not kiss and tell! I do want to take you inside an actual conjugal visit (aka Trailers) but there's no need to cover your eyes :-). The truth is much more mundane and emotional than anyone could ever imagine. I have to confess that I envisioned a romantic getaway-type scenario. Having no idea of what to expect, I imagined the "place" to be very dark and small, intimate even. In my mind, there would be candlelight and romance. In order to qualify for a visit (Family Reunion Program) we had to be legally married, check. My husband had to meet certain criteria such as, maintaining a clean discipline record, submitting to drug tests, completion of required programs (check, check and check!), just to name a few. Once all of the paperwork was submitted, we waited. Albany gave the go-ahead and we were given a date. That's when the planning began. There was a list of allowed items (food and personal). The list of NOT allowed items was arbitrary and confus...

Psalm 68:5 says "Father of the fatherless and protector of the widow is God in his holy habitation." The widow represents vulnerability and sacrifice. The Bible condemns exploitation of a widow and encourages the faithful to care for her. Military Wives are held in the same regard. Their husbands are away, protecting our country. The wife who stays behind, becoming the head of the household and, in many cases, a single parent, is faced by many challenges. Loneliness, being one of the greatest. Both types of wives are looked upon in a kind manner. They both have something in common with me. We are all doing it on our own; we cut the grass, do all of the housework, raise our kids, care for them when they are ill, shovel the snow in the winter, all by ourselves. We all miss our husbands and we are all in a situation that we cannot change. The only difference is HONOR. There is none in being a Prison Wife; at least not to the world. No one looks at someone like me in a po...

Any Prison Wife will tell you that a phone call from their husband is a big deal. Some wives are fortunate enough to speak with their husband everyday, and some even get multiple calls per day. This phone call can make or break your day. It all depends on what comes through from the other side. In my current situation, I get three, maybe four calls per week. I look forward to those calls but they are not enough. We get to talk for about 10-20 minutes and the time flies! I keep a mental list of the things I want to talk about, sometimes I even write it down! When the phone rings and I see that it's him, I get excited and start to think about what to say so that no time is wasted. As I answer the call I hear a familiar voice (no, not my husband) announcing that I have a "pre-paid call from ____, an inmate at ______, a New York State Correctional Facility..."The "lady" who precedes the call is also the one who gives you a 60, then a 30 second warning that the cal...

I have received quite an education during my years as a Prison Wife. Each visit is a lesson, an experience added to my collection. Some cliche sayings come to mind as they relate to visitation. I guess you can say that I've had some time to make the connections... Hope for the best, prepare for the worst - It's surprising to see the reasons why some people are denied visitation. The best way to increase your chances is to be prepared. For example, having extra clothing and identification documents in case they (correctional officers) give you a hard time. Getting in is a lot of work! Count your blessings - As sad as it may seem to the average person, for me, sitting at a table having a conversation with my husband feels amazing. Spending time with the one I love, especially when we are both feeling so disconnected, is such a blessing! Sometimes all I need is to hold his hand, to feel his energy. The best things in life are free - Agreed! I couldn't put a price on the...

Visiting someone in prison is a unique experience. I would say it's even unique each time because rules change so often and/or are enforced in different ways based on who's in charge. Visitation rules are open to officers' interpretation, is what I have found over the years. My first attempt at visiting my husband was short of a disaster. I had recently purchased a new-to-me car. It was a Ford Probe; a fast, sporty-looking, very 90's, complete with pop up lights, low mileage (yessss), white car. I placed my 18 month old daughter in the front passenger seat (as was customary and totally legal then) and headed to where my husband said he had 'landed.' With no GPS available, I followed directions to the prison. As I approached the immense, brick building, I felt a pang of excitement in my gut. I couldn't wait to give my husband a proper hug. It had been almost a year since we had truly embraced! I took my toddler and climbed the numerous steps to the visitor ...

In late August, 1994, I would learn the fate of my husband and thus, my own. Leading up to that day we hoped that being a first time offender, the sentence would be reasonable. He had been convicted of 'Sale of a Controlled Substance' (namely, 3.84 oz of cocaine). That didn't seem like it was such a horrendous crime, though we understood it was a crime. Oh, and yeah, there was also that pesky 'Robbery' charge, too. That one was surely bogus; he wasn't there when it happened so he was convicted of being responsible for the actions of others (those who actually committed the robbery). Video evidence showed that my husband wasn't present, it was proof! Lessons were learned during those previous 10 months. One being that NYS Drug Laws (Rockefeller) have different sub-sections and one of them was invoked to substantiate the charge. It was unfair. So here we were, sentence day had arrived. Alongside my young daughter I sat in the courtroom, awaiting the judge...